It was clear sailing all the way to Georgia and we got into Atlanta with more than enough time to spare till I was due to check in at the loading dock. Jesus fell asleep the last stretch o' the ride and he looked about as peaceful as a baby, all rolled up half in the fetal position and clutchin' on to some blankets I had in the back of my cab. With all we'd been through together, I thought it'd be a nice thing to do, if I finished early enough, to surprise our lord and savior with a piping hot breakfast burrito.
Only problem was, when I pulled my trailer in to unload my cargo, the dock was too small. I felt just terrible waking Jesus on account of a technical difficulty, but I knew he'd been with me for a reason and there was just no way I was gonna deliver that cargo without some kinda small miracle. Now, it might not surprise anybody to know that Jesus can be a little grumpy when you wake him up first thing in the morning. But I never in my life thought he'd flat out refuse to help me in my time of need.
"This isn't your time of need," he told me when I finally got him awake enough so he could wipe the drool off his face. "And besides, I can't be performing miracles left and right anytime life gets a little complicated. Do you have any idea how much attention it attracts every time people bear witness to a miracle?"
I guess he had a point. But the least he coulda done was clear up the static on my C.B. radio so I could get through to dispatch and let them know what I was goin' through. Instead, all he did was stay out there alongside the truck messin' with me like it was the funniest thing on Earth that I couldn't do my job.
He started splashin' around in a puddle and sayin', "Look, Delmer, I'm walking on water!" Then he started takin' my brand new coffee mug over to the water fountain and turnin' the water into cream soda. I hate to say I was relieved when he disappeared for about a half hour 'cause, leastways then, I could have some time to get my head together. Then, outta nowhere he showed up with a dolly and started unloading the cargo hisself.
"Here's your miracle, Delmer," he said. "A dolly!" I told him it was a little more complicated than that. I could get into serious trouble if I hurt myself doing labor in a workplace that isn't up to snuff. So he went up to all the homeless people he could find and got them to help him unload my cargo in exchange for my coffee mug full of cream soda.
It's one of the few times I thanked my lucky stars for Jesus' short supply of patience. He wanted to get outta that loading dock so bad, he went and performed a small miracle just so we wouldn't be stuck there all day.
After all the hubbub, we went through that morning, it was still only 10AM and I thought it'd be nice to get him that breakfast burrito I planned on. And boy was he grateful.
"I've never had anything like this in my whole life," he said. "What's in this?"
I told him it was just some eggs, potatoes, and bacon and he stopped cold.
"Delmer," he said, and he was serious as a heart attack when he said this. "What are you trying to do to me? I'm Jewish."
